🧓 Grief, Generations, and the Great Emotional Hand-Me-Downs: Healing Collective Trauma with Thomas Hübl

Let’s be honest—grief doesn’t exactly RSVP before showing up. It barges in, rearranges your emotional furniture, and sometimes leaves you crying over a cup of tea because it tastes just like the one your late spouse used to make. For grandparents, grief isn’t just about personal loss—it’s often layered with decades of memories, family responsibilities, and a quiet sense of “I need to hold it together for everyone else.”

But what if some of that grief isn’t just yours?

Enter Thomas Hübl, a spiritual teacher and trauma expert who talks about something called collective trauma. It’s not just the pain we feel from our own experiences—it’s the emotional residue from historical events, family patterns, and societal wounds that get passed down like grandma’s china cabinet: fragile, heavy, and full of stories.

🌍 What Is Collective Trauma (And Why Are Grandparents So Good at Carrying It?)

Collective trauma is the emotional impact of large-scale events—wars, pandemics, systemic injustice, displacement—that affect entire communities. Hübl calls it the “permafrost of our cultures”—a frozen layer of pain that shapes how we relate to ourselves and others.

Grandparents often carry this quietly. They’ve lived through social upheaval, personal loss, and cultural change. And when grief hits—whether it’s the death of a partner, a grandchild, or even a friend—it can stir up old wounds that were never fully healed. Think of it as emotional archaeology: the deeper you dig, the more layers you find.

👵 Grief in Grandparents: It’s Not Just About the Rocking Chair

Grief in grandparents is complex:

• Personal loss: The death of a spouse, sibling, or lifelong friend.

• Vicarious grief: Watching their children or grandchildren suffer.

• Historical grief: Unprocessed trauma from earlier life events or societal disruptions.

• Role transitions: Losing the identity of caregiver, storyteller, or family anchor.

And let’s not forget the silent grief of “I wish I’d said more,” “I wish I’d done more,” or “I wish I’d taught them how to make my famous adobo before they moved out.”

🧘‍♂️ Hübl’s Approach: Healing Through Relationship

Thomas Hübl emphasizes relational healing—the idea that trauma is best healed in connection. He talks about collective witnessing, where pain is acknowledged in safe, attuned spaces. For grandparents, this means being seen not just as wise elders, but as individuals with emotional depth and history.

Healing might look like:

• Storytelling: Sharing memories, family history, and personal experiences.

• Rituals: Lighting candles, planting trees, or creating memory boxes.

• Creative expression: Writing, painting, or music to release emotion.

• Intergenerational dialogue: Letting grandchildren ask questions and listen deeply.

These moments don’t erase grief—but they help transform it. They melt the permafrost.

🛠️ Simple Ways to Support Grieving Grandparents

Whether you’re a mental health professional, caregiver, or family member, here are practical ways to support grandparents through grief and collective trauma:

• Invite conversation: Ask about their memories, their feelings, their stories.

• Validate their emotions: Let them know it’s okay to feel sadness, anger, or confusion.

• Encourage rituals: Help them create meaningful ways to honor their loved ones.

• Offer connection: Include them in family healing, not just as supporters, but as participants.

• Be patient: Grief doesn’t follow a schedule. Let them move at their own pace.

And yes, humor helps. A shared laugh over an old photo or a silly memory can be surprisingly healing. (Bonus points if it involves questionable fashion choices from the 1970s.)

🌱 Why This Matters

Grandparents are bridges between generations. When they heal, they pass down resilience, wisdom, and emotional strength. Hübl’s work reminds us that collective trauma needs collective healing—and that includes honoring the grief of our elders.

By supporting grandparents in their emotional journey, we’re not just helping them—we’re helping entire families heal. We’re creating space for stories to be told, for pain to be witnessed, and for love to be passed on.

💬 Final Thought

Grief isn’t just personal—it’s shared. And grandparents, with their quiet strength and deep history, hold keys to healing that span generations.

As Hübl says, “The more we melt the collective permafrost, the more energy and intelligence we have available to deal with current issues.”

So let’s listen. Let’s witness. Let’s honor the grief that shaped them—and the healing that can shape us all.